Free Bottle

[handslive]

So, I've been thinking about this a bit. I keep some small "record", for lack of a better word, on my actual personal site. For the most part, this is a record of only three things about me:

• My CV in its most relaxed, possibly litigious, form.
• Some poems, personally chosen from the morass of useless drivel. Given how bad some of them are, that should give anyone pause.
• A list of the books, video games, piano playing, movies, and tv I am currently engrossed in although I'm only counting tv I watch intentionally (i.e. B5 or X-Files when those were going concerns for me). I'm not up to counting random road accidents or anything.

But I hadn't quite made the leap to putting any of that here. It's not a bad idea. I try to update that list once a week, which is more frequently than I update my journal. (I was never into structured daily journal entries.)

Well, and there's a weird association. We used to keep journals in grades 5 & 6 (same English teacher) and also in grade 7 (different teacher). Funny. I always used these as excuses to write ideas or short fiction, never to write what I was doing. But these were reasonably private affairs, with basically an audience of one in most cases. There's no expectation that anyone but the teacher gets to see what you're doing. Doing the same thing here would feel like, I don't know, picking my navel lint and glueing it to my front window.

For example, I posted a short poem the other day. I've since thought about doing a set of ten, all based around my bicycle commute. Different weathers, different times of day, different events, different emotional content maybe. But I'm wondering if I should stick to the same format for each one as I did the first, which just sort of happened (a loose iambic tetrameter with intentional breaks) or a different style for each one. And should I put them here, just for "recording" and work on them elsewhere.

This is sort of a question. Lots of people here use their journals to record events, snippets of life or emotion or self-examination. I've almost never used a journal for that, except for about a year and a half when purplejavatroll convinced me to give it a try. It quickly devolved into a technical journal about my training. In a lot of ways my emotional life is boring. I think that's a good thing, and to an extent something I strive for, but it wouldn't make great reading.

You know. Kissed pjt this morning. Felt little thrill as always. Watched her ride by to work as I read my e-mail and news this morning. Thought of her again as I got ready to ride off myself an hour later. Felt strange urge to call her for about two hours this morning. She phoned thirty minutes later... Well? Ready to puke yet? :-)

Anyway, with no drama of my own, I still don't feel comfortable airing my "creative stirrings" here. And besides, does this muddy the waters too much if I ever get my courage up to submit something for publication? That's a stupid question. I haven't tried to submit anything for publishing for, what, 15 or 16 years? I've let this side of myself idle for that time, untended. It hasn't gone anywhere, but I miss it a little anyway. I do not have an audience now, not one I'd willingly inflict anyway. But perhaps it's not such a bad idea. And I'll start re-posting my list of 'doing' items.

Comments

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

I think it's very sad to realize that so many people think one's emotional life isn't interesting unless it's angsty. For the record, if you posted that thing about kissing pjt in your livejournal, I'd read it and enjoy it. It tells me something about what makes you tick, on an emotional level. I like you, ergo, I think that's cool. It doesn't have to be about angst.

As for creative endeavours, how about posting things you might consider publishing friends-only?

-J

[handslive.livejournal.com]

Well, not angsty necessarily, but after 5 or 6 or 200 of these, you'll see some boring repetition. I personally am not offended by good repetition, that is repetition that is not merely repetitive. It's okay to do something 1000 times if you can do it as though it were the very first time and also with everything you learned the last time.

But I don't know exactly how to convey that when writing about the single person in my life who makes me feel that way all the time.

As for creative stuff, I'm still looking at my navel lint and thinking about it. We're back to that "willingly inflict" thing.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Well, sure, but emotion doesn't have to all be dreamy stuff about pjt, either, any more than it has to be angsty. It can be frustration about work, or pride in having accomplished a project, or anger at a boss, or affection for the felines, or curiosity about a new interest or hobby. I don't think you're a particularly angsty person, but I do think you're an emotional person. I for one would feel really honoured to get to see more of that side of you. I get to see you mostly in group settings and rarely get to experience your ramblings about how you feel about things. That's one of the many reasons I'm glad you're here.

And as for "willingly inflict," I'd like to request to see the creative things you produce. I'm not a poet, but I'd also be willing to comment on them and help you wrestle with making them better, if you'd be interested in that. Or not; that's okay, too. So even if you didn't show them to anyone else, I'd appreciate a friends-group of one where you showed them to me, if you were willing.

-J

[purpletigron.livejournal.com]

Dreamy stuff about pjt seems fine to me :-)

Also, the other things trj mentions...