Box of nails rev.1

[handslive]

I need to think about this opening.  The use of 'association' is bugging me, but I'm trying to connect the two sections together differently.  Felt like the best I could do at the time.  I like moving "eventually memory" up into the second last line.  Maybe less emphasis, or at least different emphasis.

A broom and boxes of 60-penny galvanized nails

His house tidy, vacant and waiting
We swept out my father's garage
On a warm autumn day with all the doors open
Wearing masks against the dried mud and road grime
The slightly oily lint and bench litter
The mouse droppings and insecticide
Dead magpie and somnolent black flies
Rust, old bolts, washers, nuts and nails
So many nails
Working nearly clockwise around the floor
Workbench to shelves to cupboards to corners
Sweeping out dirt and past association
Barn to fields to hay shed to road
Back up the lane to the garage
Now neater anyway, recycling and trash sorted
Ready for the new owners to park their truck
Fill surfaces and drawers and spaces
With parts and needful pieces
The house with chairs and beds and cutlery
The stalls and pens and eventually memory
With living

Comments

[hobbitbabe]

This poem makes me remember smells. Which is interesting because you don't explicitly mention any of the smells, you just let the reader fill that in from experience/resonances.

[handslive]

I did want to evoke a variety of memories for myself and scent was one. Texture and appearance were others, although a person might need to have seen the inside of a building where these things have started to accumulate to picture it. I'm glad it worked for you. :-)

So many nails

[va6arn]

"So many nails" is very evocative.

Re: So many nails

[handslive]

Thanks. :-)

It was written with utter seriousness, but could have come off as flippant.